Instead of always burdening everyone here about my problems I decided to make a blog, yes a blog. but I'm not really calling it a blog, It's more of an on line journal where I can rant and cry and do what ever I choose to that way I don't have to worry about putting them here and wasting peoples time and effort to have to read it. But if you want you can always go there at your own risk. [link] Don't say I didn't warn you though. It's set to a warning cause theres cuss words all over it.

I will try to place positive things here..."try" being the key word.

I do have some good news. I'm not sure if anyone knows this or not but I've become a buddist and well I have always wanted my own Gohonzon (It's a form of scroll with writings on it that we use to focus our chatting. Tina Turner is also a Nichiren Buddhist)Anyway, I was giving the honor of finally given one. Most of the time you have to pay for it to show that your goal is to become a full busshist, but I never had the money to get one so My friends (chong and ocha) got me one cause they knew that I need the full force of the Gohonzon to help with my situation. I couldn't believe that they did that for me but they did and now I have one. of course I don't have a shrine to place it in and it's still in the box that it came in cause your not supposed to take it out of the box until you have a place to put it. They beleive it is an extention of your body and that if you let people play with it then they are playing with your soul so to speak. You can read about it right here if you like [link] It's not a bad thing to want to do, I have been doing this for a about a year now and sometimes it helps me and sometimes it doesn't (hence the melt downs due to me not chanting like I'm supposed to) But they say if you chant and wish for something it will come true and it did a few times. I chanted for my income tax to come and it did a week later, I chanted that I would find a job and I did two days later. Now I'm chatting to win the powerball...lol I hope it comes true. I do keep coming close I did win 4 bucks and I never won before. But I want the powerball even if it's only a million..lol I'm not greedy..not really...shut up!!!

But as soon as I get the chance to get a shine for my Gohonzon i will take a photo and show it off..
OMG, I was over a friends (mrs Shaw, she's japanese) house who has a shine for hers and she told me that she had paid a total of 50 grand for all of hers and it's HUGE!!!! I don't need one that big. I mean her gong/bell bowl (what ever they are called) alone was the size of a beach ball and that's huge. I really don't need one that big...plus I don't have any place to put it right now. So if I win the lottery I can get a house and one room devoted for my Gohonzon. that would be cool. I have noticed that many of the members have theres in the living room even as big as they are. My friend Yoshi has hers in her spare room and it's small. I like the size of hers.

anyway that to me is good news. finially getting my Gohonzon and being able to have more of a chance for my dreams to come come. I will wish to meet an asain man that looks like yazoo that will fall in love with me at first glance and want to wisk me away to japan to live there for ever...hey it's my dream okay...so hush!!

well you all take care and be safe...

I won't tell you what my mother did to me a few days ago...that one is on my blog.

I just noticed that my journal entrys are very sporadic..I really should come here more often but real life jumps in the way...